I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
