I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Drunk is not a location!
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
