corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
