Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
