I need to stop coming to work sober
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
