Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
