Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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