k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
