just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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