We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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