I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
