my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I came so hard my ears popped.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
