omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
