i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Randomize
