IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
