I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Randomize
