can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
He did a backflip because drugs
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
