Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
