Porn is love you can see.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
