I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
