he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
