I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
