Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
