Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
