just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
