I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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