I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
