I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
