Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
