TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
