Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
