Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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