I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
