So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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