yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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