his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
