i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
The power of my boobs compel you
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
