I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
