I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
