dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
