Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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