Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
He felt like a one man threesome
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
