You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
