he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
