K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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