bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
you made out with another girl for some wings
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
