You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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