Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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