I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
