dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
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