Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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